鈥淭his won鈥檛 go on for very long,鈥� Sharon Hall said to herself when she invited her elderly mother, who鈥檇 suffered several small strokes, to live with her.
That was five years ago, just before Hall turned 65 and found herself crossing into older age.
In the intervening years, Hall鈥檚 husband was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia and forced to retire. Neither he nor Hall鈥檚 mother, whose memory had deteriorated, could be left alone in the house. Hall had her hands full taking care of both of them, seven days a week.
As life spans lengthen, adult children like Hall in their 60s and 70s are increasingly caring for frail, older parents 鈥� something few people plan for.
鈥淲hen we think of an adult child caring for a parent, what comes to mind is a woman in her late 40s or early 50s,鈥� said Lynn Friss Feinberg, senior strategic policy adviser for AARP鈥檚 Public Policy Institute. 鈥淏ut it鈥檚 now common for people 20 years older than that to be caring for a parent in their 90s or older.鈥�
A from the Center for Retirement Research at Boston College is the first to document how often this happens. It found that 10 percent of adults ages 60 to 69 whose parents are alive serve as caregivers, as do 12 percent of adults age 70 and older.
The analysis is based on data from 80,000 interviews (some people were interviewed multiple times) conducted from 1995 to 2010 for the . About 17 percent of adult children care for their parents at some point in their lives, and the likelihood of doing so rises with age, it reports.
That鈥檚 because parents who鈥檝e reached their 80s, 90s or higher are more likely to have chronic illnesses and related disabilities and to require assistance, said Alice Zulkarnain, co-author of the study.
The implications of later-life caregiving are considerable. Turning an elderly parent in bed, helping someone get into a car or waking up at night to provide assistance can be demanding on older bodies, which are more vulnerable and less able to recover from physical strain.
Emotional distress can aggravate this vulnerability. 鈥淚f older caregivers have health problems themselves and become mentally or emotionally stressed, they鈥檙e at a higher risk of dying,鈥� said Richard Schulz, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh, citing a in the Journal of the American Medical Association.
Socially, older caregivers can be even more isolated than younger caregivers. 鈥淚n your 60s and 70s, you may have recently retired and friends and family members are beginning to get sick or pass away,鈥� said Donna Benton, research associate professor of gerontology and director of the at the University of Southern California.
Caregiving at an older age can put hard-earned savings at risk with no possibility of replacing them by re-entering the workforce. Yvonne Kuo, a family care navigator at USC鈥檚 caregiver support center, has been helping an 81-year-old woman caring for her 100-year-old mom with vascular dementia in this situation.
鈥淭here鈥檚 no support from family, and she鈥檚 used up her savings getting some paid help. It鈥檚 very hard,鈥� Kuo said.
Judy Last, 70, a mother of three adult children and grandmother of six youngsters, lives with her mother, Lillian, 93, in a mobile home park in Boise, Idaho. Last moved in three years ago, after her mother had a bout of double pneumonia, complicated by a difficult-to-treat bacterial infection that put her in the hospital for eight weeks.
鈥淵ou don鈥檛 know if it鈥檚 going to be permanent at the time,鈥� said Last, whose father died of dementia in January 2016 after moving to a memory care facility. 鈥淢om had asked me several years before if I would be there when she needed help and I told her yes. But I didn鈥檛 really understand what I was getting into.鈥�
Feinberg said this isn鈥檛 uncommon. 鈥淧eople in their 90s with a disability can live for years with adequate support.鈥�
Last doesn鈥檛 find caregiving physically difficult even though she鈥檚 had two hip replacements and struggles with arthritis and angina. 聽聽Her mother has memory problems and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, relies on oxygen, uses a walker, has lost most of her hearing, and has poor eyesight.
But things are hard, nonetheless. 鈥淚 had plans for my retirement: I imagined volunteering and being able to travel as much as my bank account would allow,鈥� Last said. 鈥淚nstead, I don鈥檛 take time off and leave my mother. A big thing I deal with is the loss of my freedom.鈥�
Hall, who鈥檚 turning 70 in September and who lives in Cumming, Ga., managed her mother鈥檚 and husband鈥檚 complex needs for years by establishing a strict routine. Monday and Friday they went to a dementia respite program from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. On other days, Hall cooked, shopped, did laundry, helped them with personal tasks, made sure they were well occupied, provided companionship and drove them to medical appointments, as necessary.
鈥淚 did not expect this kind of life,鈥� said Hall, who has had two knee replacements and a broken femur. 鈥淚f someone had told me it would be years caring for my mother and your husband is going to get dementia, I would have said 鈥楴o, just no.鈥� But you do what you have to do.鈥�
A few weeks after our conversation, Hall鈥檚 mother entered hospice following a diagnosis of aspiration pneumonia and life-threatening swallowing difficulties. Hall said she has welcomed the help of hospice nurses and aides, who ask her at each visit, 鈥淚s there anything else you need from us that would make it easier for you?鈥�
Though older caregivers get scant attention, resources are available. Over the years, Hall has shared caregiving ups and downs at 鈥� a significant source of information and comfort. Across the country, local chapters of Area Agencies on Aging run caregiver support , as do organizations such as the , the , the and , an outfit focused on adult children who become caregivers. A helpful list of resources is available .
Sometimes, caring for a parent can be a decades-long endeavor. In Morehead City, N.C., Elizabeth 鈥淟ark鈥� Fiore, 67, became the primary caregiver for her parents when they moved around the corner from her, in a mobile home park, in 1999. 鈥淢y dad took me for a walk one day and asked if I could look after them as they got older and I said yes. I鈥檓 the oldest child and the oldest assumes responsibility,鈥� she said.
For years her father 鈥� a difficult man, by Fiore鈥檚 account 鈥� had heart problems; her mother had a nervous breakdown and a slow, extended recovery. 鈥淭hey wanted me to be in their lives and I wanted to do for them 鈥� I鈥檓 a Christian 鈥� but it was killing me. My heart was in the right place but emotionally, I was a wreck,鈥� Fiore said.
After her father鈥檚 death from kidney cancer in 2010, her mother became even more needy and Fiore found herself spending more time responding to calls for assistance 鈥� often about suspected medical emergencies. 鈥淢y mom had a way of acting as if something was horribly wrong and then it turned out it wasn鈥檛,鈥� she explained.
Fiore鈥檚 health isn鈥檛 good: She says she has chronic fatigue syndrome and thyroid problems, among other issues. But she didn鈥檛 know how to ask for help and no one volunteered it, even when her husband, Robert, was diagnosed six years ago with dementia. 鈥淚 always expected myself to handle everything,鈥� she said.
Finally, the stress became unbearable last year and Fiore鈥檚 mother moved to a senior living community close to Fiore鈥檚 62-year-old sister, 400 miles away. Now, Fiore spends more time attending to her husband鈥檚 needs and tries to support her sister as best she can.
鈥淎t 90, my mom is healthy as a horse, and I鈥檓 glad of that but it鈥檚 been a long time caring for her,鈥� she said. 鈥淚鈥檝e changed a lot as a result of caregiving: I鈥檓 more loving, more aware of people who are suffering. I鈥檝e found out that I am willing to go the extra mile. But I have to admit what I feel is tired 鈥� just tired.鈥�
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