黑料吃瓜网

When Deborah and Warren Blum鈥檚 16-year-old died by suicide in November 2021, they went into shock. For two days, the grief-stricken Los Angeles couple didn鈥檛 sleep.

But when it came time to write a death notice, Deborah Blum was clearheaded: In a to her smart, funny, popular child, who had recently come out as nonbinary, she was open and specific about the mental health struggles that led to Esther Iris鈥� death.

鈥淓sther鈥檚 whole thing was that people should know and talk about mental health and it shouldn鈥檛 be a secret,鈥� Deborah Blum told 黑料吃瓜网 News. 鈥淭he least I could do was to be honest and tell people. I think being embarrassed just makes it worse.鈥�

While it was once unheard-of to mention suicide as a cause of death in news obituaries and paid death notices, that has been changing, especially in the past 10 years, said Dan Reidenberg, a psychologist and managing director of . High-profile suicides 鈥� such as those of comic actor Robin Williams in 2014, fashion designer Kate Spade in 2018, and dancer Stephen 鈥渢Witch鈥� Boss in 2022 鈥� have helped reduce the stigma surrounding suicide loss. So has advertising for depression and anxiety medications, which has helped normalize that mental illnesses are health conditions. The covid-19 pandemic also drew attention to the prevalence of mental health challenges.

鈥淭he stigma is changing,鈥� Reidenberg said. 鈥淭here is still some, but it鈥檚 less than it used to be, and that鈥檚 increasing people鈥檚 willingness to include it in an obituary.鈥�

While there鈥檚 no right or wrong way to write death announcements, mental health and grief experts said the reluctance to acknowledge suicide has implications beyond the confines of a public notice. The stigma attached to the word affects everything from how people grieve to how people help prevent others from ending their own lives.

Research shows that talking about suicide can help , but studies have also found that can follow news reports about someone dying that way 鈥� a phenomenon known as 鈥�.鈥� The latter is an argument people make for not acknowledging suicide in obituaries and death notices.

However, Reidenberg said, the subject can be addressed responsibly. That includes telling a balanced story, similar to what Deborah Blum did, acknowledging Esther Iris鈥� accomplishments as well as their struggles. It means leaving out details about the method or location of the death, and not glorifying the deceased in a way that might encourage vulnerable readers to think dying by suicide is a good way to get attention.

鈥淲e don鈥檛 ever want to normalize suicide, but we don鈥檛 want to normalize that people can鈥檛 have a conversation about suicide,鈥� Reidenberg said.

Having that conversation is an important part of the grieving process, said , a professor of sociology in medicine at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York and an expert on .

鈥淧art of adjusting to the loss of someone is coming up with a story of what happened and why,鈥� she said. 鈥淭o the extent that you can鈥檛 be honest and acknowledge what happened if it鈥檚 a death due to suicide, that will complicate, if not impede, your ability to fully and accurately process your loss.鈥�

People close to the deceased often know when a death was by suicide, said Reidenberg, particularly in the case of young people. 鈥淏eing honest can lead to information and awareness, whereas if we keep it shrouded in this big mystery it doesn鈥檛 help,鈥� he added.

A study about that Prigerson recently conducted identified avoidance as an impediment to healing from grief. 鈥淣ot acknowledging how someone died, denying the cause of death, avoiding the reality of what happened is a significant barrier to being able to adjust to what happened and to move forward,鈥� she said.

Researchers are increasingly seeing bereavement as a , Prigerson said, and as social beings, people look to others for comfort and solace. That鈥檚 another reason the stigma attached to suicide is harmful: It keeps people from opening up.

鈥淭he stigma is based on the perception that others will judge you as being an inadequate parent, or not having done enough,鈥� Prigerson said. 鈥淭his whole thing with obituaries is all about others 鈥� it鈥檚 about how people are going to read what happened and think less of you.鈥�

Stigma, shame, and embarrassment are among the reasons grieving family members have traditionally avoided acknowledging suicide in obituaries and death notices. It鈥檚 also why, if they do, they may be more likely to address it indirectly, either by describing the death as 鈥渟udden and unexpected鈥� or by soliciting donations for mental health programs.

Economics can also factor in 鈥� sometimes people are secretive because of life insurance plans that exclude payouts for suicides. Sometimes they鈥檙e trying to protect reputations, theirs as well as those of the deceased, particularly in religious communities where suicide is considered a sin.

Sometimes they鈥檙e operating under what Adam Bernstein, the obituary editor at The Washington Post, sees as 鈥渁 mistaken belief鈥� that an obituary is a form of eulogy that should speak to the highest memories of a person, and suicide doesn鈥檛 fit that agenda. People don鈥檛 include the word in paid death notices for the same reason. Bernstein, who is also president of , said that at the Post, obituaries mention suicide when the reporter can confirm it as a cause of death.

Avoiding the word suicide doesn鈥檛 necessarily mean someone is in denial. In the days after a loss, which is when most obituaries and death announcements are written, it鈥檚 often profoundly difficult to face the truth, especially in the case of suicide, according to , a听psychologist and former听vice president at the听.

Even when people can admit the truth to themselves, they might have trouble expressing it to others, said , a suicide bereavement expert in New York who works with mourners through her business, Coping After Suicide. In the support groups she runs, she said, people vary in how open they are willing to be. For example, in the group for mothers who have lost a child to suicide, everyone acknowledges that reality 鈥� after all, that鈥檚 why they鈥檙e there 鈥� but they don鈥檛 all do so the same way.

鈥淪ome of them will refer to 鈥榳hen this happened鈥� or 鈥榖efore all this,鈥欌�� Harpel said, cautioning against holding all mourners to the same standard. 鈥淭hey鈥檙e not pretending it was something else, but using the word 鈥榮uicide鈥� is so confronting and so painful that even in the safest context it鈥檚 very, very hard for them to say it out loud.鈥�