As Youth Suicides Climb, Anguished Parents Begin To Speak Out
Paige Murray, standing beside husband Lee, says their son Alec 鈥渟howed no signs of mental distress or depression or anxiety. We think it was an incredibly impulsive act by a hormonal young man.鈥 Alec鈥檚 stellar grades were posted online the day of his suicide, she says. (Lauren Casto for KHN)
Alec Murray was 13. He enjoyed camping, fishing and skiing. At home, it was video games, movies and books. Having just completed middle school with 鈥渁lmost straight A鈥檚,鈥 those grades were going to earn him an iPhone for his upcoming birthday.
Instead, he killed himself on June 8 鈥 the first day of summer break.
Caleb Stenvold was 14. He was a high school freshman in the gifted and talented program. He ran track and played defensive cornerback on his school鈥檚 football team. Just two months into high school 鈥 and four months after Alec鈥檚 suicide 鈥 Caleb killed himself on Oct. 22.
The teenagers, both from Reno, Nevada, didn鈥檛 know each other. But their families now do, bonded by loss. Their parents are haunted by what they don鈥檛 understand: why.
They 鈥 along with mental health experts, school leaders and researchers 鈥 are trying to understand why suicide by children ages 10 to 14 has gone up and up. The suicide rate for that age group almost tripled from 2007 to 2017. Newly released 2018 data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show a 16% increase over the previous year.
鈥淓very family needs to have a conversation about suicide with their children 鈥 starting very young. Don鈥檛 just spring it on them when they鈥檙e 10,鈥 says Paige Murray.(Lauren Casto for KHN)
While experts point to a host of explanations for the alarming rise, scientific proof about cause isn鈥檛 conclusive. Some research shows correlations with social media use, cyberbullying and the internet, but studies citing them as a suicide cause are less decisive.
The parents of Caleb and Alec believe impulsivity 鈥 very common in teens because their brains aren鈥檛 fully developed 鈥 played a role in their suicides.
Kerri Countess, Caleb鈥檚 mother, called his suicide 鈥渢otally unexpected and unimaginable.鈥 He was the youngest of her five sons.
Paige Murray said son Alec 鈥渟howed no signs of mental distress or depression or anxiety.鈥
鈥淲e think it was an incredibly impulsive act by a hormonal young man,鈥 she said, noting that Alec鈥檚 stellar grades were posted online the day of his suicide.
Caleb was a high school freshman in the gifted and talented program. Just two months into high school 鈥 and four months after Alec鈥檚 suicide 鈥 Caleb killed himself on Oct. 22. Caleb鈥檚 parents, Storm Stenvold and Kerri Countess, created a website dedicated to preventing youth suicide by promoting conversation and human connection.(Lauren Casto for KHN)
Experts suggest that our celebrity culture, where suicidal thoughts are sometimes romanticized or normalized, also plays a role. Alec鈥檚 parents and Caleb鈥檚 parents say they need to speak out and warn other families.
When Caleb died, 鈥渨e wanted everyone to know he died of suicide because if it can happen to my child who was not bullied and did not fit into the reasons people kill themselves, it can happen to anyone,鈥 Countess said. 鈥淚t was an impulsive and immature act.鈥
Amy Kulp, executive director of the Washington, D.C.-based National Center for the Prevention of Youth Suicide, said youth, in particular, 鈥渉ave very few experiences with dealing with outside stressors鈥 and 鈥渢end to be quite impulsive.鈥
鈥淚f they have a precipitating event like they are bullied or don鈥檛 make a team or a friend stops talking to them or something is on social media that they鈥檙e embarrassed about,鈥 she said, 鈥渢hey don鈥檛 know they will get through it.鈥
Kulp said the rise in suicide among the youngest adolescents has spawned prevention programs targeting elementary and middle schoolers, teaching things like resilience, wellness, self-care and coping behaviors.
Psychologist Mary Alvord said she鈥檚 been seeing 鈥測ounger and younger kids鈥 in her practice.
鈥淎t ages 6, 7 and 8, I鈥檓 now seeing kids with depression,鈥 said Alvord, of Rockville, Maryland. 鈥淚t used to be suicide attempts were more in high school. Now, I鈥檓 seeing more completed suicides in middle school and even upper elementary school.鈥
The CDC data illustrate 鈥渁 steady consistent increase,鈥 that 鈥渄eserves our focus and our attention,鈥 said CDC statistician Sally Curtin. 鈥淚t鈥檚 linear and has gone up every single year since 2010.鈥
The CDC also monitors suicide attempts and self-inflicted injuries, based on data from emergency rooms. The published Jan. 31 found that from 2001 to 2016 such visits for those 10 and older increased 42%, with 鈥渟ubstantial increases occurring in younger age groups.鈥
During the most recent study period, from January 2017 to December 2018, such visits increased more than 25%. For girls ages 10 to 14, data from 2009 to 2015 reflects almost a 20% increase in emergency visits for self-inflicted injury.
Youth today are much more familiar with death, said Jonathan Singer, board president of the nonprofit American Association of Suicidology, citing more than 20 years of mass shootings at schools among reasons.
鈥淒eath has become public,鈥 he said. 鈥淲ith the internet and social media, when somebody dies, it鈥檚 all over your newsfeed. Hundreds of millions knew within minutes that Kobe Bryant had died. Death is much more a part of their generation.鈥
Among those aiming to reverse the trend is the National Association of State Boards of Education, based in Alexandria, Virginia, which examined the 2017-18 school year and determined that 25 states and the District of Columbia required or encouraged school districts to develop suicide prevention policies.
The parents of Alec and Caleb are moving past blame into action. Lee and Paige Murray (on couch) are working with the Reno Behavioral Healthcare Hospital and other agencies to better coordinate local suicide prevention.(Lauren Casto for KHN)
According to the organization鈥檚 policy review, author Megan Blanco said only three of 10 states with the highest youth suicide rates (ages 10-24) had a suicide prevention policy. The youth suicide rate for Nevada 鈥 where Alec and Caleb lived 鈥 is 14.4 deaths per 100,000, which is higher than the national average of 10.6 deaths per 100,000. Nevada was not among the 25 states with a prevention policy, she said.
Alvord, the psychologist, has conducted programs to promote suicide awareness as a joint effort of National PTA and the American Psychological Association. She also helped APA develop for parents to talk to teens about suicide.
Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, a pediatrician and an adolescent medicine specialist at the Children鈥檚 Hospital of Philadelphia, co-founded the Center for Parent and Teen Communication.
鈥淚t鈥檚 never a mistake to ask a person about their emotions or whether [someone should] be worried about them,鈥 he said.
鈥淧eople think depression is always seen as sadness,鈥 Ginsburg said. 鈥淲hile sadness is a very important clue, adolescent depression irritability, rage or anger, instead of just sadness. Physical symptoms such as headaches, fatigue, belly pain, dizziness, loss of weight 鈥 these are all things that can present as having problems with mood or depression. Parents may miss the signals.鈥
The day after his death, Caleb鈥檚 parents sought answers on his phone and computer, asking their son Matthew, then 16, to search Caleb鈥檚 history back to middle school for possible clues. They found one thing: a search for 鈥渟uicide鈥 the day before Caleb hanged himself.
Nadine Kaslow, a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University School of Medicine in Atlanta, said parents need to realize that kids communicate differently today and any thought of banning social media or phones isn鈥檛 realistic or wise.
鈥淧arents often get mad at kids because they鈥檙e texting or Instagramming or Snapchatting,鈥 she said. 鈥淚 worry when kids are not doing those things. If they stop doing that, they鈥檙e not having fun.鈥
Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University and author of the book 鈥渋Gen,鈥 has a darker view of the effects of media consumption and technology, based upon her research. Studies published in several journals in recent years 鈥 including the , and 鈥 found detrimental connections between the omnipresent smartphone, social media, sleep disruption and depression.
A memorial to Caleb Stenvold, who took his life at age 14, holds a place of honor in his home.(Lauren Casto for KHN)
The mother of three (including a 13-year-old) believes technology should not be in a child鈥檚 room overnight, and she doesn鈥檛 believe anyone 10 to 14 鈥渁bsolutely needs a smartphone.鈥
Twenge said it鈥檚 difficult to determine a reason other than technology for the suicide spike in recent years.
鈥淧hones and smartphones check all the boxes of possible causes,鈥 she said. 鈥淚t鈥檚 something that鈥檚 affected a very large number of people and affected their everyday lives. It鈥檚 hard to think of anything else that fits that criteria.鈥
Perhaps the most significant analysis supporting Twenge鈥檚 worries in the Canadian Medical Association Journal. The evidence from cross-sectional, longitudinal and empirical studies 鈥渋mplicates smartphone and social media use in the increase in mental distress, self-injurious behaviour and suicidality among youth.鈥 The review also found that social media 鈥渃an affect adolescents鈥 self-view and interpersonal relationships through social comparison and negative interactions, including cyberbullying; moreover, social media content often involves normalization and even promotion of self-harm and suicidality among youth.鈥
A Pew Research Center released in 2018 found 56% of 13- to 14-year-olds had experienced cyberbullying; more than one-third said they had been the victim of offensive name-calling or false rumors.
Their parents said neither Alec nor Caleb were bullied. But many others are.
鈥淲e don鈥檛 know if bullying is the cause, or if kids who are depressed make better targets for a bully,鈥 said Justin Patchin, co-director of the Cyberbullying Research Center.
Henry Kautz, a professor of computer science at the University of Rochester in New York, sees a similar dynamic with technology.
鈥淧eople have been quick to point to studies that show increases in screen time and increases in depression. But it鈥檚 really unclear which way the causation goes,鈥 he said. 鈥淎re people who are bullied and isolated seeking refuge in more screen time or is it the other way around?鈥
Caleb鈥檚 parents created Forever14.org, a website dedicated to preventing youth suicide by promoting conversation and human connection. They have filed paperwork to create a nonprofit with the same mission.(Lauren Casto for KHN)
The parents of Alec and Caleb are moving past blame into action. The Murrays are working with the Reno Behavioral Healthcare Hospital and other agencies to better coordinate local suicide prevention. Caleb鈥檚 parents created , a website dedicated to promoting conversation and human connection in order to prevent teen suicide. They have filed paperwork to create a nonprofit with the same mission.
鈥淒on鈥檛 think it鈥檚 too young to talk to your kids about if they might feel like hurting themselves. You might think you have time to tell them, but you can鈥檛 go back,鈥 Caleb鈥檚 father, Storm Stenvold, said. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know what pain he was in for that time that he felt he needed to do this. He decided on this very quickly. He was rarely alone. He was home less than three hours by himself.鈥
Paige Murray agrees, which is why she and her husband, Lee, said they weren鈥檛 going to be silent about Alec鈥檚 suicide.
鈥淓very family needs to have a conversation about suicide with their children 鈥攕tarting very young. Don鈥檛 just spring it on them when they鈥檙e 10,鈥 she said. 鈥淚t should be part of everyday conversation about loving yourself and making sure tomorrow is another day. Make sure it becomes a part of everyday knowledge.鈥
鈥淭his wasn鈥檛 a conversation that ever entered our house until June 8, but knowing what we know now, it should be. We were blindsided by it,鈥 Lee Murray said. 鈥淚t鈥檚 hindsight. We could have done better, but how would you know?鈥